How motherhood changes you: ch-ch-ch-ch Changes

3 May

Two week’s ago I submitted my first photo for the Gallery on ‘Sticky Fingers’. The image represented ‘My blog’ and more importantly my journey into the unknown realms of motherhood. I then read  ‘We used to be cool…honest’ on ‘Mummy, daddy and me makes three’s’ blog and since this I’ve been thinking about all the changes you go through during pregnancy and early motherhood.
 
Before Toby arrived in my life, my priorities were very different: adventure, running, swimming, cycling, working and seeing friends. When I fell pregnant, these priorities stayed in place for the first trimester and well into the second. By the third, I had almost completely given my former self up. Throughout the pregnancy, I could feel the traits that made me who I am slipping away. I’m not just talking about getting fat (though I did that very successfully), but my mental attitude shifted. Things that had once seemed so important were inconsequential. Missing a run really wasn’t the end of the world, cycling slowly was pleasurable and friends and family – though they had always been – became strikingly the most important thing in the world.
 
Once I had got through the pregnancy, I had high hopes for getting myself back to normal asap. No baby was going to interfere with work or play. I could be ‘me’ and a mum, but ‘me’ had changed. I can’t describe all the changes, but I have far more compassion and patience than I ever could have imagined. I cry at everything. Seeing little babies starving on charity adverts gets me every time and I want to get up and do something about it, NOW. I didn’t celebrate the death of Osama bin Laden, I found myself confused at how people could be dancing in the streets over the death of another human being. (Please note: I do think bin Laden was a despicable, hateful man, but death is sad). Running, cycling and swimming come so far down my list of priorities now, I find them difficult to fit in – though a routine is starting to re-emerge. I would sacrifice everything for Toby.

I can’t say my former self would have been so self-sacrificing, so emotional over scenes of suffering children or so disgusted by our response in the West to an evil man’s death. Motherhood has added another dimension to me and weathered a few of the others.
 
I can’t be sure what kind of person this motherhood malarkey will shape me into, but I do know that there are many more changes to come.

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One Response to “How motherhood changes you: ch-ch-ch-ch Changes”

  1. Katie aka Mummydaddyme May 14, 2011 at 3:06 pm #

    It is so hard to know how we are going to change as parents, I know totally how you feel. I know I have changed but then at the same time I feel the same person I always have been. Great post. 🙂

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